Gonna make a change....

This post was very nearly called 'Wake up! It's a beautiful morning!' My housework hour became a gardening hour, involving reading, of course: seed packets & a dip into Carol Klein's 'Grow your own veg'  to check I'm still doing the right thing by my courgettes. Time to put them into the cold frame to harden off.

Because, by coincidence, I've had a comment from someone called Pam at Garden4less. And this being the deal, I've been for a wander on their website.  I like the wildlife houses best - strangely you find them under the 'decor' tab. And their water butts seem a good price if you're interested. A great range of wellies, barbecues, pond stuff, chicken keeping equipment, tools, seeds, camping equipment, garden furniture and statuary. No kitchen sinks though. Or swimming pools, for that matter.

But gosh, there are people out there reading this. 

The comment was attached to 'That thing they call the wall?' and it tells me to be proud because I didn't give up. And I am proud... ish. But more importantly, I got over it and got on with it and I'll be swimming again tomorrow. 

I haven't always faced life like this. In that 'fish out of water' job I had, I read research that talked about people either having an internal or an external 'locus of control'. Fancy words describing whether or not a person felt they were able to make a difference to their own lives or whether they felt powerless and were the sort of people to whom life 'happened'. 

I could tell from the way it was written that having an 'internal' locus (ie able to make a difference) was considered 'better' but knew in my heart I had an external one. It did nothing at all for my already low self esteem to think I was on the 'bad' side of that divide. 

My big mistake was to believe that you were either one or the other and that was that. Immutable. You were what you were and you couldn't change it. It took certain life events to make me realise that though I might never get the things I dreamed about, or live the life I wished I had, I could at least try. And that maybe it was the trying that mattered after all. 

At 45+  I fully, consciously, realise that there is only me who can change things if I'm not happy about something in my life. I finally understand that there are no fairy godmothers or knights in shining armour.  And I find that to make a change often all you need do is make a decision to change and then look for the helping hands. 

It's akin to what happens with FRED's learners. Something brings their life to a critical point and they decide 'this has got to change'. For some, it's the birth of children, or their children going to school. For others it's needing to get employment. Or perhaps the family member they always relied upon to help with reading dies or moves away.

FRED's learners are people whose reading needs are at 'pre-college' level. Before Julie came along and started FRED, there was nowhere to which such people could turn. Through its trained but purely voluntary coaches FRED provides a unique service in the Forest of Dean.

So, embarrassing or not, I aim to do two lengths of butterfly tomorrow. One to just 'do it' and one to try to make it better. 

Let's save proud for the exhausted end..... and for our learners, who keep going and our coaches, ready & willing to keep going with them.

Please help our coaches by sending a cheque made out to Forest Read Easy Deal to:

Frank Rainer, Treasurer, Oaklands, George Road, Yorkley, Lydney, Gloucestershire, GL15 4TL

Many thanks

Catherine